The bloggers' dilemma



In a world filled with so much black excellence... Is blogging enough?

I recently wrote a post which talked about self efficacy and having the power to do what you want if you actually want it. What I didn't touch on is when you're not sure you even want to do that thing/ how to go about it. 
Since this was written, I've had a time of reflection and I see my goals more clearer , however, I know that that wouldn't have been possible without this outpour. I shall share this anyway in hope that my fellow man can relate but also remember how far they've come from such dilemmas. 


(WARNING: a bit of toxic and critical thinking to cleanse the soul)


I'd have had my blog for 2 years this July and whilst I'm soo very proud of how far I've come since I started,  a blogger's work is never done. The blogging world is heavily saturated and I continue to ask the same questions as I did when I considered whether blogging my ootd's and random ensamble's would be any different than just putting them on Instagram. Often times the answer to this question is not the same as the day that I made Kosa's Kloset. 

Scrolling through social media I see how cyclical and mundane life and fashion can be. Whilst I do genuinely believe everyone has a slightly different style and way of doing things, a lot of the things on the surface are the same and I can't help but question whether my desire to be successful in this field which has raised so many of my own role models to the platforms they currently dominate, means that I'm trying too hard to be like what you could call, 'the elite'. 

I find myself studying my blogger crushes' instagrams to emulate and take inspiration from their quirky poses before I take blog pictures. I curse myself for not thinking of certain angles for certain shots and other ways to wear the "classic" or "wardrobe staples". And then I wonder why I have no ideas to propel in other mediums that might be seen as more esteemed and nuanced. I wonder how I am supposed to get to where I want to with nothing original to contribute to such a vastly populated network.

Personal style blogging is my medium, its my outlet in a time when excellence is the only agenda and anything less is mediocre or trash. I'm trying hard not to be trash.
When I look around the black community, at all the creatives and influencers collaborating and making amazing and touching art and work, its difficult not to wonder if you're doing enough. If your medium is enough. If you're letting your people down by not having something to say about the latest crime committed under the crippling demon that is capitalist patriarchy or not being part of a woke collective of boss ass people.

(Style/fashion) Blogging is the strangest concept. Individuals get others to photograph them in 'perfect locations' doing optimum outfit promoting poses so that others can scroll through and half acknowledge the images and even less for the accompanying text. The reader then probably picks out a random thing they notice isn't right or would actually like to try to wear.... And then about 200 others do the same but just in a few different combinations.

Don't get me wrong blogging is hard. It's so damn hard... I'm writing a whole post on it. But at the same time the concept seems almost basic and unexhilerating. And yet, I love it... So much? It's become part of my everyday (Samantha Merritt from www.HalcyonVelvet.co.uk wrote a really relatable and funny post on the tell tale signs that you're a blogger - check it out Here).

It gives me something else to focus on other than university and student life and yet I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm the biggest advocate for self love/ care which involves protecting yourself and your heart, knowing yourself and acknowledging your worth... Within that comes not comparing yourself to others because we are all unique. But when we are all (or just me) uniquely doing the same thing... Where do we end up? 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish more for myself, but I'm not sure how far I can get when I'm a blissful domestic cat in a field of panthers and lions.

It's hard to stand out, it's hard to get up and try... It's hard to know why you're doing something when half of your logic and words suggest you don't need it.


Self doubt is a bitch. 


Stay cool & let it all out sometimes - love Kosa x

Comments

  1. Aww Kosa! You make me so proud!! Very critical: racitional thinking!
    I can relate to you feeling as though your wasting your time! However if it's something you enjoy doing and work hard to keep up with then surely it is!
    As humans I feel as though we have this perception that if you're not in a office per say. What your doing isn't important; or if you don't look busy!
    But really what is busyness!
    You are working hard on this post and seem very ambitious! From your choice of words to the articles and imagery you post! I normally dabble and quickly scroll through! But this article caught my eye! Maybe it's because I know of you, or can relate!
    But what your doing is good! It isn't a waste of time or any less unique than what the others are doing! After all "there's nothing new under the sun" I know it's hard but you are doing your best! Your poses are always very cool and capture the essence your trying to convey! Makes me wish I could really engage with my creative side in this manner!
    Trust me when you get to my age, where you've finished education and are working you start to wish you could still be doing what your doing! Everything has its own reward!

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  2. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! It's so difficult but as you said when you're doing something your love then it's got fruits somewhere. And it's true there definitely isn't anything new under the sun, I think that's what I was struggling with most, the fact that we're all recreating the same thing just slightly different every time and whilst I know is it unique and my own, it's whether I'm okay with just doing this. So far I think I am, as you said I work hard and put a lot of effort into making things look the way I want, I guess I just need to give myself more credit and enjoy the ride! Thank you again I really appreciate you! Xx

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  3. Aww your welcome! It was a very insightful read! I wouldn't worry too much. Give yourself credit! You have a different angle to what others have. To you it might not look it but trust me. As someone looking in from the outside its not the same! Plus people that view and read your blog will like you for a reason. Xx

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