I've learnt not to lie to myself: Lessons from '15

It's amazing how much can happen in a year and we don't even realise it until we get to the end of each one. 

I don't really make big things out of the new year, I think this is partly because of how cliche and often repetitive it can feel. I won't act like I've never made a new year resolution and vowed to become healthier once the dial was turned and we had a new number after the "20_ _" to remember to write in the corner of our exercise books. In fact I'm prescribing to the 'cliched' tradition today, I simply believe that if you truly want to change something, you start it then and there. I'm that annoying person that will ask "what's wrong with tomorrow?... Or now?" 

One thing I've realised is that human beings naturally love to have their cake and eat it too. We want to free ourselves from the guilt and shame of something (like eating 15 doughnuts in a row - I personally don't feel that that is shameful, I'd actually like to know how you managed that and if you were handing out free lessons?) whilst engaging in it and getting that instant gratification from it which then leads to the "diet starts Monday" lie to ourselves. 

  • I'm a culprit of this for sure, but this year my first lesson is definitely a lesson about myself through the belief that if you truly want to achieve something you will just do it. I've found myself saying I want (to do) something but never really starting it or commiting to it. I've learnt that I don't care enough about things, that apart from getting my A Level grades everything else I do can be half hearted, I never want to fully give my all, and whilst this weariness has worked out on some occasions, I can't help but question how much more I could have achieved if I really committed  to this blog, that project, that movement, that idea, that person, that job, that dream.. 

  • Which leads me to the second thing I've learnt... Which is another thing I say to others but have really began to understand the value of, and that is going onwards and upwards. Not dwelling on things that you can't change and not questioning and overthinking past decisions. It's important that when we look back over our 2015s (for some of us, our 2000s) we recognise what went well, and what didn't but capitalise on the fact that we made it to 2016 and that there is so much ahead, that the things of the past do not determine everything the future could be.

  • In addition to this, I've learnt that I can't do things alone. It's quite an obvious one seeing as man was not made to be alone , however, I mean that this year I've really learnt to value the help and support of others and realise the potential in others too. This also links to God. I've always known that the things I've achieved or done were not just my doing but I've also made the realisation that the things I want to and can achieve (once I decide what they are) could be much greater if I learn to listen and use those around me and trust Him.

  • I've learnt that family and having one in whatever form it may come in, is the best thing you can have and even when it doesn't seem like it they are exactly what you need.

  • That self care is vital. That knowing what you, yourself can handle and deal with and ensuring irrelevant and unecessary people don't push you to that place. That it's okay to love yourself more than people want you to and more than you think you should because who else will?

  • That everything comes to pass.EVERYTHING
  • That we can all succeed and achieve. That success and development is not just for the people we pin as "goals", that we too can be our own "goals" 

  • How to drive (yaasssss bih)

  • That people of colour (in particular black people) can't own anything without someone else  criticising and then taking it to suit them and capitalise on it.
  • - Yet to be unlearnt by the world

  • That there are more victims than people care to recognise and it's important to show compassion to even the most intolerable of people and see the beauty in everyone, we are all Gods children after all.

  • That they don't want you to have breakfast, or eat lunch, definitely don't want you jetsking

  • That I'm problematic and hypocritical and have a lot to unlearn

  • That another reason I don't really warm to the new year vibes is because of the expectant attitude towards failure. Without getting out the excel spread sheet of stats,I would say many people who make resolutions and goals plan to fail and say "oh well, next year". Or are just deluded into thinking going one integer up from 15 changes them. I've learnt not to lie to myself... To acknowledge the difficulty in things and that things might not work out but also to be realistic, focussed, positive and honest. To expect success but not be disheartened if you don't quite get there.


In the spirit of education (lots of learning) , this 2016 I want to learn more.

To commit
To be consistent 
To take time to understand 
To be on time
To just DO things and claim my victory
To take my own advice
To be honest (with myself, and God)
To constantly grow and review myself and my personal goals 
To not wait for an integer change to make a change that needs to be made.

This post was very impromptu and thus quite raw and random, looks like we're diving a bit further into the kloset.

Wishing all my readers, scrollers and pree-ers a blessed year full of action, success and honesty. 

Stay cool - Kosa x


  1. I love this. I am so heartbreaking-ly proud if you darling


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